Written by Anisha Shinde
Three days ago, when you were full of energy and optimism, you agreed to plans. Blank Street coffee? Oxford Street shopping? Milkshake Ministry? “Yeah, sounds great!” you texted, genuinely meaning it. But now it’s the day of, and you’re lying in bed—the thought of leaving your flat makes you want to weep.
So, you desperately need an excuse. But which one?
We’ve all been there. We’ve all lied. The question isn’t whether you’ve sent a fake excuse text—it’s whether you’ve sent a good one. Some excuses are bulletproof. Others immediately catch you out. Here’s the definitive ranking, from the elite to the not-so-convincing excuses.
BOTTOM TIER: What’s Instantly Suspicious
- “Something came up” This is the excuse equivalent of “it’s not you, it’s me.” Something came up? What, exactly? Your duvet? A sudden need to rewatch Modern Family? The vagueness of this excuse signals that you think the other person is dumb. Spoiler: they’re not, and they know you’re lying.
- “I’m not feeling well” The most overused excuse in human history. The fatal flaw? If you post an Instagram story within 24 hours, you’re done. Caught in 4K.
- “Family emergency” Too heavy. You’ve gone nuclear when you only needed a tactical strike. Now everyone’s worried, asking follow-up questions, and morally? It feels genuinely bad. Plus, you now have to remember the lie forever. Good luck with that.
MID TIER: What’s Believable But Risky
- “I’m absolutely swamped with work” For students, this one’s actually plausible. We’re perpetually behind on problem sets, readings, or deadlines we’ve been ignoring for weeks. The problem? If someone spots you out later that week, or worse, at the library scrolling through TikTok instead of working, you’re toast. Pro tip: Only use this if you actually have a deadline. Specificity helps.
- “I double-booked myself, I’m so sorry” Makes you look scattered but not malicious. It’s the kind of mistake people make, especially during busy periods. The main issue is that most people will ask what the other thing is, so have a backup story ready!
UPPER TIER: What’s Effective
- “I’m not feeling up to it mentally” Honest, valid, inarguable. Mental health is extremely important, and most would respect that boundary without question. No follow-up, no details needed, and it communicates that you’re taking care of yourself. The caveat? Don’t abuse this one. Reserve it for when you genuinely need it, and people will take you seriously.
- “My boiler broke” / “Maintenance is coming” / “I locked myself out” Elite tier because they’re boring. No one wants to hear about your broken boiler or your landlord’s dodgy plumbing. They’re specific enough to sound true but dull enough that no one asks follow-up questions. “Ugh, that sucks, no worries,” is the universal response. You’re free.
GOD TIER: What’s Untouchable
- “I’m really tired and need a night in. Can we reschedule?” This is god-tier because it’s just … honest. Most people appreciate honesty far more than a flimsy lie, and this shows that you value them enough not to bullshit them. Just make sure you actually suggest rescheduling; otherwise, it sounds like a soft rejection.
- “I’m so sorry, I don’t think I can make it tonight. Are you free next week instead?” Sent hours in advance, this is the platinum standard of cancellations. You’re giving them notice, offering an alternative, and proving you actually want to see them. If you’re going to cancel, this is how you do it with grace.
- “I’m completely drained and need to recharge, but I’d love to catch up soon” Honest about limits, affirms you value the person, sets a boundary—the holy trinity. It acknowledges you’re not in the right headspace whilst making it clear that it’s not about them. People respect this because it’s emotionally mature and kind. If someone responds badly to this? Sorry, they’re not someone whose opinion you need to worry about.
My Verdict
The best excuse isn’t an excuse at all—it’s honesty, delivered with kindness and a bit of advance notice. However, if you absolutely must lie, make it boring, make it specific, and send it early. And for the love of God, please don’t post an Instagram story within 24 hours. That’s just sloppy tradecraft.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I just remembered I have a very important appointment with my duvet.
