By: Ananya Sharma
“If he wanted to he would”, “the red nail theory”, “feminine energy” – what on earth? Social media loves simple buzzword solutions for complex relationship woes. Oh you’re super single and sick of it? Just paint your nails red hun xx. But wait, before that make sure you manifest in your journal and tap into your feminine energy.
…I think I might just manifest celibacy for now.
“If he wanted to, he would” is a classic example of catchphrase solutions that brush off the complexities of relationships. Sure – in an ideal world if someone really liked you they would move heaven and earth for you. The real world is more disappointing – people often want to, but can’t. The point is that catchy TikTok buzzwords and slogans can never fully capture the realities of dating in the real world – despite echo chambers online making you think otherwise.
The existence of social media’s impossible standards isn’t anything new – what’s new is how they’ve taken over dating. According to some TikTokers, you need to be looking for “high value men with a provider mindset” or a “woman in touch with her divine feminine”. Ignoring the exclusion of those who don’t fit into this binary, these creators are also usually single. Maybe it’s proof that the only people who actively care about these generalisations and standards are those who are so chronically online they can’t connect with anyone in the real world.
Online dating advice and social media’s standard for a “good” partner isn’t always ridiculous – lots of people realise they’re in toxic relationships after getting an uninvolved stranger’s opinion (usually via chaotic Reddit threads). But most of the time, uninvolved strangers tend to make curt judgements of a situation, informed by little fact and plenty of emotion.
I’ll end this critique with my own advice – put the phone down. Connecting with (and eventually dating) people is a lot easier without the added pressure of social media’s unattainable standards. Going outside to meet new people will make you realise no one cares about the small things like how you hold a glass or tie your shoelaces. What matters is how well you connect on a human level.
So, go forth and touch some grass. Do some soul searching or get a new hobby (apart from social media doom scrolling). Dating’s hard enough as it is in real life – don’t give someone behind a screen the power to make it harder.
Illustration by: Sylvain Chan
