Written by Vasavi Singhal
Illustrated by Sylvain Chan
For new students joining us at LSE, making friends may be nerve-wracking and difficult to navigate – let alone bridging the home-international divide.
In endeavouring to support students on their journey through the university with the highest percentage of international students in the UK (65%), I spoke to three international-home student pairs about friendships, relationships and cultural clashes.
Alice* and James* met in their first year, becoming close over regular walks from campus to Rosebery Hall. They suggest that it can be difficult for international students to form relationships with home students.
James, a British-Chinese home Bsc Econometrics and Mathematical Economics student, reflects that “it’s a natural thing” for people with a “common language” to “understand each other’s experiences.” Alice, a BA Geography student from Hong Kong, adds that grouping together with other international students can help gain a sense of “cultural familiarity” in an “unknown place”.
Culture is also important in that it can determine the way people interact. James argues that “British hangout culture is more casual” and often involves drinking: “who doesn’t love a good pub?”. On the other hand, when Alice hangs out with other international students, it’s often activity-based, like “get[ting] hot pot” or playing games.
Their analysis suggests that home-international relationships, unlike friendships between home students or between international students, appear to have in-built differences that make it harder to get on. What makes these relationships work, in spite of cultural differences?
For Daksh and Zoe, a couple who met through the Private Equity Society, a discussion about cultural differences circles back to their similarities and how these come about through culture. Daksh, a British-Indian home student, highlights that their cultures prioritise the same goals “in terms of life…we both want to…excel in life and [we’re] very family orientated…we have a lot of family gatherings on both ends.” Zoe, who is Malay Chinese, adds that “he’s Hindu, I’m Buddhist”, so neither eats beef.
“I think it works out really well,” she says.
Sho, a Japanese BSc Economics student, has developed somewhat of a “second identity” to adapt to UK culture when he interacts with his home student friends like Amy, an English BSc Social Anthropology student. “I really like the skinship,” he says. “[British and European people] hug a lot…we don’t have that in Japan.”
Although Sho and Amy consider Japanese and English cultures to emphasise politeness, they joke that “there’s not a lot of respect in this friendship.” Instead, they consider culture to be something not all that relevant to their relationship. Although it “means something” for Sho to be able to share his “fully Japanese” side with Amy, he doesn’t feel like he “needs [his] Japanese identity to be… shared with someone when [he’s] in the UK.” He has become “totally comfortable” with his home friends as his two identities become “mixed up”.
Unlike Daksh and Zoe, their cultures don’t necessarily entail similar life goals: Amy says that Sho is far more “driven” by “achievements”, whereas she “enjoy[s] the act of just existing without having a specific purpose.”
Rather, their friendship emerges out of having the “same sense of humour…I don’t think I found any other person who loves [listening to] someone blowing into a mic [as much]” says Sho. “We just have a lot of inside jokes,” Amy adds. “And they’re just like nonsensical and stupid…we’re on the same level quite a lot…We tend to know, like, vaguely what [the] other is thinking.”
It seems that, although culture is important, it doesn’t necessarily define these relationships. These pairs pick and choose what aspects of their cultures they allow to define their relationships and which they choose to leave by the wayside. Instead, they unite over their humour, values, interests – which can be culture-based, but don’t have to be.
In fact, Alice and James don’t share all of their interests. Alice says: “he’s more maths and chess-y and history-y…and I’m more artsy…But then I try to engage with his interests. I tried learning chess. It worked fine… I know how to move the pieces.” James counters: “Anytime I try to draw something, Alice’ll criticise me for being too…mathematically correct.”
Members of these cross-cultural relationships seem to benefit immensely from learning from each other. Daksh has tried to “engage in Chinese culture”, such as Chinese New Year festivities, whilst Zoe says that Daksh has “[helped her] explore [her] culture even more” by asking questions. Amy says: “Sho’s corrected a lot of my assumptions” about Japanese culture that she “comes across…online”, whilst for Sho, visiting Cornwall for a week and experiencing the lifestyle of a “typical English family” and having “beans in the morning” was “very fun.”
Although it may be difficult to make friends with people who are culturally different, “you’re kind of limiting your own experience if you only have a certain group of friends”, says James. You get to “learn about the world, basically – just through people,” says Daksh. “I have learned so much from my friends who aren’t Indian and aren’t British.”
Some aspects of their relationships aren’t culturally contingent at all, like the inevitable giggles and blushing that happen when I ask my favourite question: “So what do you like about each other?”
Home-international relationships are rarer and in some ways, harder to create. But they’ve enjoyed spending time with each other by forming these deep personal relationships, whether that’s studying, going to cafes, playing games or chatting.
“Anything we can do together, we do together”, says Daksh.
If these pairs have any message for an incoming new student, it’s to remember that, although people at LSE might be different to you, there’s so much potential for cross-cultural exchange and cultural appreciation – as well as the opportunity for creating amazing bonds. If you’re nervous about trying to meet new people, I invite you to think of Amy and Sho. In their first year, a simple brave move – Amy walking up to a group of strangers and joining their conversation — was all it took to spark a lasting friendship.
*Names have been changed to preserve anonymity.
