Written by Shreya Gupta
Illustrated by April Yang
It is common to think that there are two types of people on February 14: those in long-term relationships, celebrating their love over a candle-lit dinner, and those watching soppy rom-coms with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. In other words, you either love Valentine’s Day or you hate it. At least, that’s what we’re told to believe. In reality, this binary view is unnecessary, and couldn’t be further from the truth.
Valentine’s Day has become increasingly useful to us as a society because it reintroduces effort in a culture that currently rewards detachment. And that effort spills beyond romance into friendships, care, and connection. You don’t need to love or loathe the day; instead, it is worth reframing Valentine’s for what it actually offers — effort.
Effort Still Matters
“Situationships”, “ghosting”, “nonchalance”, “low-commitment”, the “three-month rule” — these phrases now dominate the language of modern dating. Social media has reshaped how emotion and care are perceived, flattening relationships into something aesthetic and easily curated. Effort, meanwhile, is often treated as desperate or embarrassing. Planning dates becomes “doing too much”, replying thoughtfully is over-analysed, and ambiguity is framed as emotional sophistication. Put simply, we prioritise appearance over intention, and distance over clarity.
This is also why Valentine’s Day attracts so much cynicism. It is dismissed as overly commercial, exclusionary, or emotionally performative — criticisms that are not unfounded. Yet it is precisely within this culture of avoidance that Valentine’s feels most relevant. Rather than being about grand gestures or expensive gifts, the day quietly disrupts emotional inertia. It insists, however briefly, that relationships require maintenance.
Valentine’s Day works because it functions as a social ritual. It obliges people to try, to plan, to communicate, to show up with intention. Effort is what turns feeling into commitment, and intention into trust. In a low-commitment culture, that reminder matters. While Valentine’s does not fix modern dating, it pushes against the idea that care should be hidden or minimised, restoring connection and intimacy to the centre of our relationships.
Valentine’s Extends Beyond Romance
Importantly, this emphasis on effort has also expanded beyond romance through the rise of Galentine’s. For many, Valentine’s has become a moment to recognise platonic love, particularly female friendships that so often provide stability, consistency, and emotional safety. These are the relationships that absorb the fallout of romantic disappointment, that span different life stages, and that persist without formal recognition. Social media, often criticised for superficiality, has in this case helped legitimise female friendship as a meaningful and enduring form of love.
Galentine’s dinners, nights in, or small, shared rituals shift Valentine’s away from exclusivity and towards collectivity. They reflect a broader understanding of love, one rooted in care rather than performance, and in presence rather than spectacle. Rather than replacing Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s extends it, allowing space for multiple forms of connection to be celebrated.
Valentine’s Day Still Matters
It would be easy to assume that Valentine’s Day should have disappeared altogether under the weight of irony and critique. Yet, its persistence reveals something important. Even in a culture marked by cynicism, we continue to crave connection, reassurance, and effort. Valentine’s remains useful not because it is perfect, but because it legitimises care — awkwardly, imperfectly, and publicly. In doing so, it reminds us that trying still matters.
