By Nurisabela Amira Shah
As an artist, I capture the beauty within our world. To me, people are like butterflies: dynamic and vivacious – witnessing journeys from chrysalis to metamorphosis.
In art, I learn about movements, mediums, and design principles. Iconography and symbolism are my bread and butter. Above all, I was most interested in the artists themselves, indulging in the lives of Kahlo and Van Gogh. I admired their stories – but most importantly, I cherished their change. Whether it was their art style or their mindsets, they weren’t afraid to change and divulge the beauty it left in its wake.
The genuine honesty perturbed me – I was an outsider exposed to the fragilities and vulnerabilities of their works. I was moved that they were proud to exhibit their pasts, ghosts, and dreams in a way that I had never captured before. I shunned my pasts because of the scars they ingrained on me. I disregarded my ghosts because I feared their daunting presence. I disdained my dreams because this was all they would ever be.
Nevertheless, the passion they etched onto each canvas ignited something within me. I understood that if I wanted to progress as they did, I would have to look within – delving into what I desperately tried to hide away. To transform creatively, I would have to bear these truths and unfurl my past in all its glory: reveal the person I have become today.
With a brush in hand, I captured dynamic clashes of memories like the collisions of colour. Each momentous event was allocated a colour scheme; every vivid recollection of pain stowed away resurfaced to extract lessons I had learned from it. Red for the hibiscus in my grandparents’ garden and the burns scorched by hateful words. Pink for the flame of confidence ignited by my family’s love and my discarded cocoon of immaturity. Marble white for my grandmother’s grave.
Change takes many forms: a tumultuous tide or fluttering butterfly wings that lead to a torrential tornado. Change is inevitable; to shun the past, as I had before, is to be ignorant of this change.
Ignorance blinds us from recognising how we have grown. Regret besmirches the valuable lessons of the past. The only way to truly discover who we are and what we have become requires us to confront wholly our past, present, and future. We need to fully embrace our histories and set our eyes on what lies ahead, liberating ourselves as we descend into new heights.
Everyday, I will exhibit my past, ghosts, and dreams and place them under a spotlight of reflection. I will paint with their obsidian darkness and monochrome. I will capture the twists and turns of my life and weave it into a patchwork of memories. I will not dwell on the scars scattered across my limbs but how they linger amongst my grandmother’s warm kisses. I will not only hear taunts but my parent’s message that beauty doesn’t come from the colour of your skin or labels – but from the benevolence in your heart and the wisdom coursing through your veins.
Our lives are not melodramas or tragedies; they are complex stories filled with fortuitous events, moments of serendipity, and personal introspection. To reframe the way we see our lives leads us to reinterpret our pasts. Who are we to neglect the foundations we have constructed our magnificent existences on?
