by Liza Chernobay
Illustrated by Charlie To
Following Results Day, Freshers Week is by far the most anticipated and thrilling time for incoming undergraduate students. It is a week of polished outfits, big smiles, endless small talk and, frankly, drinking. Many LSE freshers enter this rite of passage with one goal: to make new friends. Given the overwhelming pace of social activities and an underlying pressure to participate in them, is it possible to enjoy freshers week while staying true to oneself?
Jess and Annamaria, both first-year students, describe ‘freshers FOMO’ as missing out on “bonding experiences” and “feeling part of a community”. The fear of being left friendless stems from a primal need for “companionship” and “connection”, which is what ultimately makes us human. Several interviewees also admitted that desire for “validation” and “social status” motivates them to zealously seek friendships during the first weeks at university as this boosts their confidence and overall happiness.
According to LSE students, the primary source of FOMO at university is social media, particularly Instagram. “Seeing stories of hall mates having drinks together or going to parties [creates an] idealised picture of having fun,” says Annamaria, which magnifies the FOMO, especially if you are “not in the mood to socialise”. WhatsApp groups advertising society events, departmental newsletters promoting talks and networking, and hearing people simply share their plans also contribute towards making students feel lonely if they are not participating in them. More often than not, this “unconscious pressure to be part of a community” pushes students to join in on activities which they may not need or enjoy because they associate the sense of craving for belonging with “fun”.
Effectively, this “artificial” social behaviour does not actually facilitate the connection with like-minded people that students seek at the dawn of university life. Students interviewed confirmed that what truly mattered to them were “meaningful”, fruitful conversations in a congenial atmosphere, as opposed to the “boring” and “one-dimensional” small talk which prevails during freshers week. Such profound communication is very hard to achieve in a nightclub, for instance – especially when you find yourself in company of people you don’t know. When asked about alternatives, students pointed to “pre-drinks” and “house parties” as more suitable environments for friend-making as they provide space to converse with interesting people.
As a result of FOMO-induced social behaviour, students risk losing their “integrity” in exchange for superficial relationships which can cause more serious problems further on: “I got sick, exhausted and not aligned with my authentic self,” says Annamaria. “And I don’t like not being authentic because it means that people are not getting to know the true me.”
Finding ‘your crowd’ will be tricky while constantly pretending to be someone else, and it is also incredibly energy-draining. By socialising more than we can afford physically or emotionally, we ultimately exhaust our “social energy”, leaving us empty and too tired to spend time with the people we like, comments Daniel, another first-year LSE student.
In the words of Dr. Anjana Bala, an Anthropology Fellow at LSE: “we live in a hyper-connected world [where] there are more ways in which one knows they are missing out.” From an anthropological perspective, this “global digital culture” influences our decisions regarding how and when we socialise. As a specialist in psychological anthropology, Dr. Bala points out that sometimes, the life which society positions as “good” and appealing is not always suitable for us. We should therefore listen to ourselves more intently and choose activities which make us feel “whole”, rather than fractured and vulnerable.
However, vulnerability itself is powerful as it can be transformed into something creative. For Dr. Bala, the anchor which helps her feel “rooted” when she is “pulled into different directions” is dance. She suggests that “engaging with various types of knowledge and artistic practices that help you think critically of what’s happening around you and dig[ing] beneath the surface of commonplace assumptions” is central to re-aligning with ourselves and finding balance again. “Others might have different anchors that root them – whether that’s a family member, or their past, or a story that speaks to them.”
“It is a stereotype that freshers week is all just drinking and clubbing,” Jess says. Having lunch together with friends, exploring London by foot, watching movies, reading books for pleasure and joining societies are some of the fulfilling ‘activities of choice’ which students find motivating and restorative.
Despite the pressures and temptations which London university life has on offer, it’s important to stay true to oneself and reclaim the power to choose how you want to spend your time. Some students are naturally ‘party animals’, while others prefer chatting over a coffee, so the question lies not in ‘where and how’ to socialise, but in consciously setting the right boundaries and not over-straining oneself. Choose activities which empower and bring happiness, seek meaningful connection with people who interest you, and don’t neglect time for being with just yourself if you feel like it.
Finally, if ever in doubt, consult Dr Bala’s signature list of questions to ask yourself before attending a social event:
- Is this ‘my idea’ of fun?
- Does this inspire me?
- Does this relax or stress me?
- Does this strengthen the bonds with people I truly care about?
- Does this advance me in my career/degree in a way I am comfortable with?
