by Eva Inasu
Illustrated by Paavas Bansal
I notice that the urge to erase past mistakes becomes all the more tempting as we enter the new year of 2024. Time and time again, I see the recurring sentiment: the need to have a clean slate in order to progress. As if being an untainted, new born baby is the ideal state, we are force fed this notion of the perfectionist’s dream, where we are presented the opportunity to nonchalantly ignore all the ‘sins’ of 2023 and move forward with a clear conscience.
The reality is we all have aspects of our past that we would rather bury deep down, but does this allow for progress, or rather fill us with an unrealistic sense of self-gratification? Maybe it’s not a question of deserving forgiveness, but rather, of the best way to go about developing, without ignoring the impacts of our not-so-finest past decisions Clearly, self-flagellation amounts to little; however, there is surely a balance where we, along with the rest of society, are able to simultaneously hold ourselves accountable and give ourselves enough respite from futile self-loathing. Amongst the hum of New Year’s resolutions and the promise of a fresh year, it may seem counter-productive to dwell on the past; but I would say that the level of rejected accountability I have seen both globally and on a personal level compels me to invite everyone to rethink what this new year brings about. When considering both institutions and individuals, the power to self-reflect and regulate is so open, so why not grab it while we still have the chance?
Zooming out for a little reflection on the globe, I think the importance of accountability shines through, as well as our evident lack thereof. Starting with climate change, everyone’s favourite source of universal guilt: what we as a society have done with the ever-loving mother nature is abhorrent. We have stripped and abused everything she had to offer us. From the moment we began to value production over environmental harmony, we began a journey towards ecological demise, a fact we are increasingly being made aware of through increased temperatures and abnormal weather events. I am compelled to acknowledge that not only have some parts of the world contributed more to this misuse, but the repercussions are now felt most severely by those who, historically-speaking, are not responsible for environmental damage. Better yet, the wishy-washy promises of support made by countries such as Britain, who are to blame for instigating the misuse, have been insultingly insufficient, as noted at the 2023 African Climate Summit. Especially with COP28 having taken place, these grandiose public conventions and seductive government promises seem to depict a lacking genuine sense of acceptance for our crimes against the earth. Almost as though this façade of deep concern for environmental issues mitigates the need to commit to an uncomfortable transition away from our dearest finite resources. Almost as though the past seed-sowing of environmental destruction can be ‘clean-slated’ away through aesthetically impressive climate covenants and performative handshakes.
Similar instances have occurred specifically in Britain, such as the Windrush scandal. This perfectly illustrates that despite the role that Britain played in the slave trade, and the supposed disgust we as a nation feel about it, there remains a pervasive, underlying sense of lack of genuine accountability. A lingering, unresolved acceptance of Britain’s revolting involvement in the slave trade evidently manifests itself in the government’s immigration department and renders children of the Windrush generation ‘illegal’ residents in Britain. Just like the response to the climate crisis, it seems that vulnerable countries and individuals are subjected to the repercussions of wrongdoings on a disproportionate level.
On a more personal level, I reflect on my interactions with this ‘clean-slate’ phenomenon. More specifically, my friendships with supposed ‘feminists’ who made it their life’s mission to criticise others for wrongdoings despite having an unresolved history of shameful behaviour themselves. The inconvenience of holding oneself accountable seems to have left some of my dearest friends desperate to fill the void of moral superiority through belittlement of others. But a quick glance in the mirror would have highlighted their hypocrisy. Furthermore, I saw lingering effects manifest in those individuals in significant ways, through unhealthy coping mechanisms, as well as a constant fear that history could repeat itself. Much like the performative acts of government through climate summits and evident disregard for past offences through wrongful deportations of violated citizens, it seems that there is a trap one can fall into: thinking that being outspoken alleviates the need to take proactive action to rectify misdeeds. The uncomfortable truth here is that mistakes get made and real people suffer real consequences, regardless of whether or not individuals or governments are willing to take responsibility. The enduring effects of these unresolved mistakes taint relationships with others and with oneself. The incentive to be brutally honest with yourself tends to be quite wavering, but once the initial discomfort is endured, the result is a liberating opportunity to hold yourself to a standard that you would expect of others. I found Kathy Capirno’s Forbes article particularly pertinent, as she states that it is “often painful to see ourselves the way we really are versus the fake, veneered version of ourselves that we try to put forward for the world to see.”
Both in personal life and the globe at large, time and time again, we seem to convince ourselves that we have ‘come to terms’ with our transgressions. We happily skip along to the next fresh, clean slate, where we may be disappointed to find that the same principles that led us to make the initial mistake come creeping back in. I would say that most ideas pushed towards us with the agenda to provide shiny, dazzling ‘hope’, merely paint over our mouldy past mistakes, leaving ample room for that fungus to leech into what we hoped would remain perfect and untainted.
The prospect of New Year’s “resolutions” ought to rely on the multi-dimensioned definition of ‘resolution’, including the promise you make to yourself and the act of solving a problem of difficulty. When considering how both these definitions fit, it seems that they reinforce the interconnected relationship of bettering yourself, and going about it in a way that directly tackles less desirable past deeds that need resolving, not simply deciding what reality you would like to craft as a quick-fix.
Without the step to wholly embrace the very pasts that haunt us, we fail to allow ourselves to embody the true notion of resolution. So a happy 2024 to you all, I hope this year brings you plenty of time to grow, time to look forwards, but also, crucially, keep introspectively glancing back.
