Oh, Lewis Capaldi – How do I despise thee? Let me count the ways. Divinely Uninspired To A Hellish Extent is the worst album of the decade. Before listening to the 23-year-old public nuisance, I had in my head that his sound would be in the sphere of Jamie T. I would not have cared if it was – this would at least make sense given his ‘indie’ appearance and (unreciprocated) affection for Oasis. I certainly did not expect the horrendous din this braggart has produced on his first album.
My introduction to the Scot was the most popular track from DUTAHE, Someone You Loved. It tells the story of a dumped boyfriend. Only a man boy with Lewis Capaldi’s strained style and tart vocals could produce a song and story as sickly as this. A consequence of the (supremely unhealthy) relationship ending is that his partner is no longer there to ‘numb all the pain’. ‘All the pain’? Capaldi seems like exactly the sort of entitled narcissist who would see this as a reasonable expectation. Grow up, pal.
One musical issue with the album is a soul-destroying lack of diversity. The overwhelming majority of tracks begin with similar, if not identical, piano notes. The stories unrelentingly yelled at us here have been told for decades by exactly the same corporate trash this singer pretends to distance himself from. Perhaps that’s unfair — he does seem at least somewhat self-aware. To some, the irony is loveable; to the more cynical of us, this is the problem. What could be worse than someone who understands how formulaic and soulless the music industry is actively participating in it? It is almost impressive: Divinely Uninspired manages to be as cloying as the worst of Coldplay with the arrogance of the worst of Kanye.
I wouldn’t like this album if he were my mate. I wouldn’t say to him ’well done’ after a performance at the local pub. I would sit him down, tell him he is wrong then point him in a direction away from me. All this and I haven’t even mentioned that awful title.
