By Mia Cheng
Cover image by Francesca Corno
Freshers’ flu or COVID? You’ll probably never know. With the beginning of every year, there’s a cohort of eager, noisy and extremely unhygienic freshers ready to drink their guts out. Maybe that was you at the start of your last degree, last year, or just last month – either way, we sent out a survey on our Instagram story asking for the dumbest shit you’ve done during that fateful week. Here are some of the worst:
- Burnt my tit making toast while I was hungover
- Got freshers flu and kissed everybody I didn’t like – have fun losers
- Missed the club’s toilet and shat on the floor in front of it by accident
- Ate so many doritos after multiple Long Island Ice Teas that I threw up orange onto my carpeted dorm floor
- Shagged a girl and found out she was my neighbor – she said she was going to her room the next morning and I heard her fucking door close an inch away from mine
- Pissed on the wall of the British Museum
- Called a bird by my ex-girlfriend’s name whilst doing it – she was into it though
- Tried to charge onto the pitch at a game because I was vibing too hard (fuck Manchester United) but I just got kicked out instead
- Tried to fart on my mate’s face after 20 shots but I ended up shitting my pants
- A disposable a day for a month straight
- Bra clasp broke mid-song so I put plasters on my nipples and kept going
- Orgy
Good memories. I can almost still smell the sweat and alcohol.
