By: William Goltz
I think by now we have to admit that the eternal search for the perfect Christmas film has gotten stale. Every year we relearn just how set our loyalties are and just how little we can do to change them. It isn’t even fun to argue in favour of Die Hard anymore. The Holidays need another mildly ironic cinema debate to keep us on our toes and I think the successor is pretty obvious. We all need to find the perfect Boxing Day film. Here are four reasons why that movie absolutely has to be Where Eagles Dare:
The plot
In some ways there is nothing worse than a film that takes itself too seriously. In this case, I disagree. Sometimes there is nothing funnier than watching a film fight against its own inflated importance. With its macho title pulled straight from Richard III, Where Eagles Dare, is, on the page at least, achingly self-serious and full of the passion of its veteran author, Alistair MacLean, whose only goal in writing seems to have been to make clear just how much he loved explosions and hated Germans. There is intrigue around every corner, a ‘secret traitor’ to be unmasked and an entire garrison of comically ineffective German soldiers to be blown up. Clint Eastwood’s first reaction to the script was a resigned ‘terrible.’ No one wants to think too hard on Boxing Day but it is always nice to feel smart. Eagles lets you do both in peace.
The snow
Snow is the only thing that makes winter bearable after Christmas. Now that it’s gone in this country, it looks like we will have to settle for the screen. Where Eagles Dare does its best to make up for the loss, being almost entirely composed of various kinds of chasing over ice. All major methods of transport are covered, from planes and motorbikes to school buses and cable cars. With the exception of the brief cozy interlude of the final castle sequence, Eagles is perfectly cold.
The acting
The two lead performances at the centre of where eagles dare offer their own unique comforts to the Boxing Day viewer. Richard Burton was so perpetually drunk over the course of filming that he simply kept disappearing off of set, halting production for days at a time. Your hangover, by contrast, cannot be that bad. Clint Eastwood, finding new ways to squint with dramatic emphasis in every scene, offers his own lesson in the power of silently agreeing to what everyone else around you suggests doing. If the weight of the post-Christmas crash becomes too much, remember that much of the film does not even feature either of the leads actually playing their characters. Eastwood and Burton were famously reliant on their stuntmen, jokingly dubbing the whole production ‘Where Doubles Dare’. You can afford to take a nap if you need to. No one will notice.
It’s not all that bad really
Ridiculous as it can be, Eagles is inescapably a certified action classic. It’s Spielberg’s favourite war film and Tarantino has given it his blessing. What the film lacks in emotion, dialogue or accent coaching, it really makes up for in pioneering putting blood and explosions into snow and on top of cable cars. If you need some proper cartoon violence to finally knock you out of your Christmas stupor, you might as well get it here.
