Illustrated by Sylvain Chan
I’m scared of men, so I scare them off, and they never approach me. What should I do?
Unfortunately, the answer to this is to try to be nice and approachable, even though your distrust towards the male species is totally valid in my humble opinion. Try not to get caught up in the fact that they’re men, and just start a conversation as you would with any girl! Treat them as friends first, and you’ll begin finding it easier to interact with them. But —- and this is very important —- don’t forgo your edge in the name of approachability! Men can be audacious, and you’re right not to want to let them walk all over you. Give them a chance, but if it comes to it, don’t be afraid to put them in their place. A real man won’t mind anyway!
Dear Beaver. Is it normal to feel like I haven’t found my people yet, even though I’m in multiple friend groups? Everyone seems to prefer each other’s company to mine.
Yes, it’s cliché, but I promise you that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Even among people with a tight-knit group of friends, it’s common to feel out of place or to lack a sense of belonging within a community. A lot of this self-doubt is rooted in how secure we feel about ourselves. When you find comfort in being alone and are confident in your self-worth, you’ll find that you attract so many people who enjoy your company as much as you do theirs. Friendship is so much trial, error, and sometimes putting your pride on the line, but it is so worth it. Almost everyone you know is eager to hang out with someone new, so don’t be afraid to reach out and schedule time for coffee or a walk. Also, if you’ve exhausted LSE societies and events in your attempts to find people you connect with, give other universities’ and intercollegiate societies’ events a try—it’s a great way to expand your circle and meet like-minded people. As for your existing friend groups, rid yourself of the mentality that everyone prefers each other’s company over yours. If this reflects in the way they treat you, they’re not worth putting that much effort into anyway, but a lot of times, this idea can also be in your head. Don’t conform or try to shrink your own personality to be more digestible. Be unapologetically yourself and kind, and I wholeheartedly believe you’ll find a place where you belong.
Dear Beaver. I feel like a failure. I came to LSE 3 years ago, armed with a genuine passion for social sciences and the belief that I could truly make a difference. But like too many other LSE students, I quickly became victim to the finance propaganda, and so, my university experience has felt more like an endless application season, while doing just enough academics to maintain a low 2:1. Now I sit in third year, with no employment prospects and no love for my degree. I have no idea what to do!
It’s common to feel like you’re stuck. Many students go into university with expectations that don’t match reality. Rather than a ticket to a specific career path, your degree is a testament to the skills and knowledge you have been equipped with. Once you break your degree down to its components, you’d be surprised how many different directions you can really take. I speak from personal experience—I entered the humanities at LSE after spending years in STEM. Once you’re out of school, your major and grades won’t matter as much as your abilities and your willingness to learn.
If I were you, I would take a step back and reconstruct your priorities. What’s most important right now? Write them down and talk them through with someone you trust, like a family member, friend, or counsellor. Also, academics might be at the forefront as a student, but don’t neglect your social life or mental health, either.
Dear Beaver. My boyfriend hasn’t planned anything for Valentine’s day and it’s making me feel a bit unloved. The thing is, he’s genuinely a great boyfriend in every other way. He just doesn’t seem to value Valentine’s like I do. What should I do?
I think the first important thing to say is that you are most definitely not being silly for caring about Valentine’s Day. I know that for some people it’s just a date on the calendar, but for others, it is a day of feeling intentionally chosen and celebrating your partner. If you try to be chill about this and say nothing, the chances are that it will all come out later on as resentment or sadness— – and that isn’t fair for either of you. I think this really boils down to a mismatch in your views on this one day— – especially since he treats you well in every other way.
What is most important is that you talk to him about it. As much as I know we’d love them to be, men aren’t mind readers. He really just might not recognise the importance Valentine’s Day has to you. Explain that! Make clear that while you don’t think it’s his intention, this is making you feel a little unimportant and unloved. If he’s really a great boyfriend, he will understand that and change his actions— – he’ll make plans. If he dismisses it as not a big deal, then that seems like a bigger problem. The bottom line is that this doesn’t have to be a major issue, and one conversation could change things completely. Don’t leave this to fester!
Dear Beaver. My boyfriend wants to split the cost of our Valentine’s meal. I get that we’re broke uni students, but I would like to be treated.
As much as I hate to push traditional gender roles, this is a very reasonable act of chivalry your boyfriend is expected to do. Is he so bad at budgeting that he can’t even afford to treat you out for a nice occasion? And if he is, can he not even afford some ingredients to cook you a meal? You could make an entire date out of it— even if you’re both amateurs in the kitchen! Either way, I sincerely hope he whips out his wallet and gets you a lovely meal, or at least a great memory that isn’t tainted by splitting on a day for togetherness.
