Illustrated by Sylvain Chan
Dear Beaver, I feel like my boyfriend and I are operating on completely different wavelengths. He’s a typical finance bro who seems to have got everything sorted out for after university, but I feel like I’m barely able to stay afloat while trying to job hunt. How do I not let the fact that we’re going in totally different directions impact our relationship?
There is nothing tougher in a relationship than feeling as if you’re both travelling in different directions – but try to seek solace in the fact that it is probably only temporary. Your boyfriend probably felt the exact same way before ‘everything sorted out’ for him, too! Not everything in your timelines will inevitably match up, so trying to adjust to that reality is really important. Instead, try to turn what feels like a distance in your relationship into something that motivates you to pursue what you really want. Whether that’s a graduate job, an internship to try out a new field of work, or even taking a break from it all to recuperate and recover after your years at LSE, reassure yourself: just because your path forward appears less linear right now, it doesn’t mean it’s detrimental to your relationship. After all, you’re more likely to grow together if you are pushed to explore different paths – so try to reframe what may look like different directions into something to be excited about, and a new challenge for you to both face.
Dear Beaver, I think I’m incredibly burnt out. On top of being a second-year student with summatives piling up, I threw myself into so many societies this year to come across as more ‘well-rounded’, but now I’m seriously regretting it. I’m on the firsts for a sports team, a representative for my course, and working part-time. How do I balance it all, because it’s starting to feel impossible!
First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on your commitment to the hustle. Regardless of whether you’re doing it for personal growth or just to bulk out your CV, developing a range of skills, contributing to the betterment of your course, earning money to independently support your lifestyle, studying and being physically active are all objectively good pursuits, both for yourself and for others. University is and should be a time for growth, and trying to do a range of things.
And of course, there are going to be periods of busy and less busy times in your life. What you need to ask yourself is: are all of these activities sustainable in the long term?
‘Doing too much’ may lead to you not having enough time for yourself and burning out. Remember, if you do not rest, your body will eventually force you to do so.
But ‘rest’ does not have to look like not doing things. For example, playing on the sports team may well be a good rest for your mind from the drudgery of academia.
Moreover, burnout is not good for your pursuits either! Making commitments to other people and being unable to follow through with them is not the hallmark of a capable, well-rounded person: strategically committing to what matters most to you is best. Be honest with yourself about what you can and can’t do, and think about what genuinely benefits you rather than what ‘looks right’ or ‘seems right’. This too, will help you stay on the path of ‘busy and well-rounded’ and off the path of ‘overstretched and exhausted’. Hobbies and extracurriculars stop being good for you when they start feeling like obligations, and you should avoid building up resentment towards your own interests.
Balancing is a difficult act, and no amount of time-management advice will make up for the fact that you are, unfortunately, just a person in a fallible body that needs rest, with a limited amount of hours in a day, living a busy life where new pursuits or events will undoubtedly divert your attention, with a need to maintain your present while securing your future. There is no easy way to do it, but strategic prioritisation of some of your needs over others will help you stay on the right path. Best of luck!
Dear Beaver, I feel like I’m getting mixed signals when making friends at LSE. I feel like the friends I’m making are only short-term first-year friends, or people trying to grow their networks in case I turn into some ultra-successful and useful connection for them in the future. How do I go about making genuine friendships at LSE?
I totally get what you’re feeling right now, and just a word before anything: it’s going to work out fine! Making new friends can always be daunting, and oftentimes than not, scary. As an introvert myself, I completely relate. But looking back, the most important thing to keep in mind is to stop thinking about the ‘what-ifs’. What’s going to happen to us in Year 2? Am I just a connection to them? Stop. Take a step back and enjoy your current moment with them! After all, no matter how long you guys will be friends in the future, you guys are friends now. If we keep our previous mindset up, we might actually fall into a loop, where we keep worrying, keep setting ourselves up for failure and collapse back on ourselves.
And about making more friends. This is pretty generic advice, but do go out to more events. Join the societies you genuinely are interested in — you’ll be much more likely meet like-minded people that is your wavelength. LSE has a TON of different societies, and it is honestly a great way to meet people from different years, departments and backgrounds! One last note is, don’t be afraid to talk to people. Everyone’s suffering from inner turmoil each time they meet someone new, too. Trust. Sometimes you just have to take initiative. Have fun exploring, and I hope you meet your people (they’re out there, I promise)!
Dear Beaver, I am so stressed about finding a place to live next year. First, I’m trying to deduce which of my first-year friendships will make suitable flatmates. And then, how do I balance finding somewhere close enough to uni, is safe, and in a mildly “cool” area, while being affordable? It feels impossible!
I get you completely – house hunting in London is the eighth circle of hell. What you need to do is rank the priorities you just listed to me, and I have some ideas. Firstly, despite fearmongering about crime levels, most areas in London are pretty safe to live in – the most common dangers, like phone snatching, are an issue everywhere, and you’re actually probably most at risk in the central areas. So I wouldn’t get too caught up in worries about that. Secondly, I’d say that living in a ‘cool’ area shouldn’t be too high a priority either. You’ll be in London either way, and what matters is that you get to go and hang out in those cool places – at the end of the day, your home is just where you sleep! The whole of London will still be at your fingertips. So I would say your most important concerns are affordability and travelling to uni. I know rent in London is unbelievably expensive, but keep scouring Rightmove, and I promise you’ll find somewhere – there are places getting added continuously, so don’t worry if it takes time.
As for the flatmate issue, this is a little trickier. Obviously, it’s difficult to decide which of the people you’ve known for less than a year will be compatible cohabitants. I would encourage you to evaluate what it is you need from a flatmate – or rather, what it is you wouldn’t be able to tolerate. Is it tardiness? Noise? Or are you more laidback and need flatmates who would match that vibe? Whatever it is, make sure you choose who to live with based on compatibility and not simply who you’re close with, and don’t be afraid to say no to living with someone if you have doubts – that’s how you preserve your friendships. Good luck with the search!
Dear Beaver, I’m from a state school, and I feel like an imposter here. People talk about internships through family friends, and about all their holidays. How do I stop feeling like I somehow am here by accident?
I waltzed into LSE from a state school knowing nothing. No LinkedIn. No idea what a Spring Week was. So I get it. You may have to work a bit harder, build up your CV from nothing but part-time jobs, while everyone feels ten steps ahead of you. But when you eventually get that spring week, that internship, and that grad programme, you will feel a pride they can’t even comprehend. You will have become the real definition of ‘self-made’ (and not just the LinkedIn-bio way). You did that while funding yourself, with no insider advice and nothing handed to you on a plate. Not many people at LSE can say that.
How can you be an imposter when you earned your place the hard way? That seems like the opposite of an accident to me.
Dear Beaver. I feel like a failure. I came to LSE 3 years ago, armed with a genuine passion for social sciences and the belief that I could truly make a difference. But like too many other LSE students, I quickly became victim to the finance propaganda, and so, my university experience has felt more like an endless application season, while doing just enough academics to maintain a low 2:1. Now I sit in third year, with no employment prospects and no love for my degree. I have no idea what to do!
It’s common to feel like you’re stuck. Many students go into university with expectations that don’t match reality. Rather than a ticket to a specific career path, your degree is a testament to the skills and knowledge you have been equipped with. Once you break your degree down to its components, you’d be surprised how many different directions you can really take. I speak from personal experience—I entered the humanities at LSE after spending years in STEM. Once you’re out of school, your major and grades won’t matter as much as your abilities and your willingness to learn.
If I were you, I would take a step back and reconstruct your priorities. What’s most important right now? Write them down and talk them through with someone you trust, like a family member, friend, or counsellor. Also, academics might be at the forefront as a student, but don’t neglect your social life or mental health, either.
Dear Beaver, all my friends want to go out clubbing multiple times, but I prefer staying in. I worry that if I keep saying no, I’ll slowly fade out of the group. How do I maintain friendships without forcing a lifestyle change?
I get where you’re coming from. I’ve been there. Try to remember that real friendships aren’t only built on the time you spend together in the club, but rather a mix of different activities. If you’re taking initiative to see them outside of the club-setting regularly, then I wouldn’t worry about it; you’re certainly not alone! Try suggesting activities you prefer to do or joining them for just pre-drinks. If they are truly your friends, they will still include you while accommodating your preferences. However, if you really get the sense that they’re leaving you behind because you don’t go out with them, harsh as it is, they probably aren’t the right people for you. Friendships that are really worth maintaining won’t pressure you to change yourself for them. In that case, you might need to consider branching out to people who have similar ideas of a fun time.
