(by Ambre Pluta and illustrated by Vaneeza Jawad)
sometimes the need to write is not
something that i can explain with words
it’s like ceaseless screaming all around
it makes my hands shake and my heart race
but i can’t find the right words
these aren’t the right words
this is not what i need to write
this is not representative of the screaming in my mind
i’m not even sure it’s a scream anymore
maybe it’s a deep dark abyss desperately trying to pull me in
to make me trip and fall
maybe at the very bottom i’ll find what i’m looking for
all i know for sure is that to quiet my racing heart i need to keep writing
until nothing around me makes sense anymore
until the sun has risen and set hundreds of times
until my hands have stopped shaking and can return to things that aren’t writing
the shaking spreads from my fingers to my hands
then slowly takes over my whole body
the words so desperate to be written down at the same time
but too many scratch at the inside of my mind
sometimes the need to write is a daunting feeling
of something i should be doing
but i simply walk around
with a pen that ran out of ink long ago
with no way of knowing the way to go
sometimes the need to write cannot be ignored
it would drive me crazy not to write
or maybe i’m already insane
and this is why i cannot stop letting the words out
sometimes the need to write becomes a ghost
that isn’t tangible and that i cannot hold within my hands
but it haunts me day and night
sometimes the need to write is a never settled hunger
that no number of letters and words seem to satisfy
sometimes sometimes sometimes
or just about every time i see the sun rise
