I am waiting

For what I am not sure

The restlessness of an eve of new beginnings

As much as for friends to walk through this door

In neon red the street is lit

As if trying to shine a spotlight on something worth remembering

But the streets are half-deserted and walls stained with piss

Soaked in the stench of regret

Desperation seeps like smoke over polished shoes

That don’t wait long enough to dwell;

They side step its clutches, rushed on to ever brighter things

And I the observer hidden in glass

Am as much in their dance of avoidance.

Inside this bar a strange optimism hangs

A refuge of chatter, of drinking, of laughs

A space out of time

                  Could be minutes

Could be hours that have passed.



Through this door in this room

I know where joy is

Here in these plastic chairs and hopeful eyes

I know where laughter is

There it is hidden in the curve of his mouth

I know where hope is

It’s built into this tapestry around us

All of us

Grinning and huge like the Cheshire Cat,

Smiles lingering even after our bodies have left,

A thread of joy loose from where he sat,

The texture of her silver laugh,

Woven into the fabric of this evening.



Theirs are the faces I hope to see again

And I know there will be time

More time than I care to imagine

For in there I felt what had passed.

In that moment we were all the same

We have lived and re-lived it all

Inscribed in me, each person’s dreams

Who sat in this chair once before.

We swell and recede

In patterns preceding

Caught up in the flow of connection ~

Didn’t we once talk of the future in here

Dressed in our slacks, ties a-loosened

Afraid at the sight of a decade expiring

All we wanted was to be remembered

Drinking away cold death in chilled beer

We felt safe in our preservation.



For I have held each moment on my tongue

Crackling in desire and life, tasted its zest and wanted more;

But each secret shared is a whisper

A quiet intimate holiness

Suspended behind this door

I do not dare to disturb it.

Despair slithers beyond these walls

Waiting to coil around each thread and tear

These moments are made to be kept in this place

For it is here that they will sit in constant chatter

Each smile infectious, passed face to face

Time to create and renew

But in a moment of quiet they’ll hear it

The silvery whispers of memories dissolved

Resonating in the power that it holds

She sat here and wrote as she waited.

A moment of warmth and connection

Both sheltering from the cold.


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