Beaver

Rise of the Floor Bed

Fall flat for the best snooze of all…

The Spartan section has seized the LSE zeitgeist, and it sure shows no sign of stopping. Courage has prevailed, but also controversy. The economic impact has been unparalleled. Up and down campus, cafes have had to pay because of ‘one meal a day’, whilst cold showers have curtailed coffee sales. Clothes retailers aren’t complaining. Kim Lippoth’s ‘The Philosophy of Big Arms’ has seen ‘Size L’ sales skyrocket. And for good reason.

Now it’s time for another exogenous shock. Mattress manufacturers may moan, but the seismic Spartan shift must occur. For when we prod deeper into our feather-filled preferences we soon realize; modern mattresses aren’t the climax of comfort. Beyond the everyday fluffiness we call home, there is an upper realm of snoozing. Floor sleeping is the Mount Olympus of dreams.

All we truly need is a clean hard surface and the subsequent natural alignment of our muscular structure will soon alert us to the richness of this rest. Rest assured though; your dreams aren’t entirely desolate, you can blanket and pillow yourself up on a thin mat. It’s just the menacing mattress effect we are trying to evade.

This is the way. This is why we should take it…

Floorless posture

As our bodies sink into our beds, we are are forced to conform to an unnatural posture. This is why we often feel very stiff once we wake up. Sleeping on the floor ensures greater alignment once your body sinks into its correct place alongside the harder surface. Soon you’ll be rising loose, as all stiffness becomes eradicated. Back pain especially: it’s a profound feeling, that realization that the tightness you have carried for so long unawares has been released. The resulting relaxation is incredible.

Morning motivation

The encasing comfort of a bed often holds one in its grasp as the snooze button becomes incessantly pressed away. Not so with the floor-bed. Not only do you wake up fresh and free, but energized as well. The procrastinating charms of a modern mattress are erased. Moreover, greater posture fuels freer airwaves which in turn leads to deeper breathing; energizing us further.

Earth connection

Call me a romantic, but ground sleeping seems to unlock one’s natural nous. The Neolithic gs did it since time immemorial. We follow in their hairy footsteps. Once one lies against their abode’s primeval ground, it’s hard not to reminisce about the bygone times of hunting antelope and sauntering down the crisp blue rivers of our ancestors, with nothing but the present day and its desires on our minds…

The call of comfort

One may think that despite the benefits, floor-sleeping still sounds ‘uncomfortable af’. But this uncomfortableness is merely a manifestation of the trouble of starting new skills. From public-speaking to spouse-seeking, it is only through pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones that we grow. And we find that in the process of leaving our previous comforts behind, the new areas of aptitude we enter are incomparably better. With effort and endurance, soon the initial tightness of the first few days will transform into form and freedom. Freedom to let go of the body’s muscular pull, and to lie down, drifting away, with the modern notion of the ‘bed’ thrown back ceaselessly into the past…

Spartan rating ⅗: Stiff to start, less trying than Meditation and 1MD. But like both: through persistence, pleasure prevails.

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