Counting Down My 10 Favourite Inventions

10. The Knife

The world would be a much larger place without the cutting edge invention that is the knife. The knife has successfully reduced meat, potatoes and veg down to manageable size since its advent in the Bronze Age. Its status as an instrumental tool in our daily lives has been cemented with its development into numerous variations: who could forget such classics as the fish knife, the steak knife and, of course, the butter knife? I, for one, could not and that’s why the knife slices into my top 10.

9. The Synthesiser

Having evolved from the archaic and wooden piano, the synthesiser was a game-changer in modern music. Its simple plastic keys allowed a wide assortment of sounds to fill a space the piano was never up to filling. From Acid House to Synth-pop, the synthesiser spawned genres that pinged their way into popular music.

8. Bread

Some may argue Sliced Bread tops the list here, but what came first, the chicken or the egg?

7. The Hat Rack

Ever since Sean Connery so effortlessly tossed his bowler hat onto the majestically upright pegs that formed the crown of Moneypenny’s hat rack, the versatility of the invention came exploding into our daily lives. From a simple inanimate object, the hat rack went to the equivalent of your best mate, wing manning you on a night out. Opting to stand there silently in the corner, he takes every possible action to make you look good.

6. The Shield

As the common saying goes, “Defence is the best form of Attack”. The shield encapsulates this notion with ease. Why wield a pointy bit of steel when you can hold a wider one? Some may argue it is less attractive than its counter-part the sword, but, as we all know, it’s always important to use protection.

5. The Pencil

A very humble invention, the pencil has been the trusty tool of everyone from carpenters to architects, from designers to artists. It comes in a plethora of sizes and shades ranging from the dark 9b to the much lighter 9H. This is one tool where size certainly does not matter.

4. The Cave Wall

The Cave Wall was the very first medium that artists used to express ideas and represent their surroundings. This set off a chain of events that is still progressing today and has produced such notable artists as George Bush Jr.

3. The Billboard

Most recently used to such powerful effect in ‘Three Billboard Outside of Epping, Missouri’, the billboard offers a welcome relief from advertising that seeks to distract drivers with excessive movements caused by fast moving air. We feel much more comfortable and safe on the road in the knowledge that drivers are looking at an innate rectangle.

2. The Square

The square keeps our world in check. Whilst often used in a derogatory sense, the square is the hero who doesn’t wear a cape. They are the person who keeps our admin ticking along at a sensible rate.

1. The Lamp

Some self-proclaimed genius once thought it would be good to put Lava in a lamp; never has an invention been so bastardised. It is an insult to our democracy to replace its warming glow with a fluorescent nonsense that only serves to encourage those non-tax paying hippies to smoke marijuanas.

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