Sex Advice from My Dad

Condoms have a 98% theoretical success rate when used correctly. And my parents did use them correctly, but no one ever thinks about the 2%. My parents were lucky enough to be in a situation where having another child wasn’t too much of a concern for them. They already had my brother and had been married for almost a decade. Knowing my mother, she would have yeeted my foetal self into oblivion had she had any real desire to do so.

Anyway, you might be wondering how I’ve come about the details of my conception. The answer is, of course, my dad. He’s been a great force for progressive sex education, at least in my personal life. Now I’m here to share that gift with all of you. Disclaimer: As I am a cis female this advice is likely to hold up best for people who share my anatomy.

Put yourself in charge of condom removal
It’s a good time to check for breaks. It’s also a good time to check that the condom hasn’t dislodged inside of you. Apparently, he says, this might make the person feel like you care about them but really you just don’t want any surprise babies or infections.

Double up on protection
Not literally. Putting on two condoms actually makes them way less effective due to the risk of breaking from friction. So don’t do that. What he actually means here is that you should use two different methods of contraception, i.e., using a condom AND an IUD or birth control pills. Talk to your doctor.

Be less vanilla
“I’d hate to think you’ll spend your whole life eating one flavour of ice cream”.

Keep a journal of all those precious moments
Think of it as a contingency plan against dementia. Apparently, it’s really sweet in your old age when you can look back and remember the first kiss you had with your significant other.

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